Miscarriage: ME TOO
Miscarriage is something I’d never wish upon any woman and couple. It’s painful and heartbreaking, something hard to explain. But to the mamma that’s been through it, girl I feel you, I’ve been there too. You are not alone… This is my story and my message to the grieving mamma, to the spouse feeling hopeless, to the family wanting to support.
Those that know me, know that I’m not one to talk about these kind of topics. Not to mention to write it publicly in my blog. But than I wouldn’t be following the purpose of my blog.
And here’s a thing… when I went through miscarriage I was told “don’t worry luckily it wasn’t too far.” I know everyone meant well and wanted to help. Yes it did help, but I never dealt with it, I never properly grieved. I didn’t deal with the pain and the loss. I set it aside to the bottom shelf and left it there. That pain and grief has grown causing fear and insecurities.
The first time I realized how far has the fear manifested itself in my head was when my family and our good friends went for a holiday. While sitting at a restaurant, for some reason my son all of a sudden got sick. It was nothing serious , probably too much sea water…But….that’s not what the fear was telling my head. Out of the blue I just started to cry and no one could understand what was going on. All I could get out of my mouth is
“I cannot loose him as well.”
We thought it was just a once off thing, until I fell pregnant with our third pregnancy. It took us a while to tell our family and friends. And even than I was still so scared to get excited about this blessing growing inside of me. Only around 6 months did I start to get excited. Everyone said, don’t worry, it’s normal and so I carried on. At 35 weeks my water broke, and so did my heart. As the fear came up to the surface again, I just began to cry, thinking to myself…I can’t…I can’t loose her too. But God was so good and so faithful, our baby girl was born healthy.
“I felt ashamed, I felt like a failure,
I felt like I wouldn’t be a good mother.”
So you see this fear has grown and it grew deeper roots in my mind. So bad that when our baby girl was quite sick in her first year of life, the fear just kept popping up and making me paranoid over the smallest of things. This fear has robbed me off making many memories and enjoying the beautiful blessing God has given me. But there is some good that came from this journey; it has bought me closer to God. As I was placing my trust in Him more and more it helped me to deal with this fear and pain.
I’ve learnt that He is in control and I need to trust Him.
I really hope that God will use me and this journey to encourage others that are going through such grief, to trust in the Lord and to have faith. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone’s process is different. Mommas reading this, I really hope that you will find the courage to deal with the pain and grieve in your own time. But grieving doesn’t have to be alone, I was lucky to have such wonderful woman around me supporting me. By listening to their journey and what they’ve been through and looking at their beautiful babies, it showed me that everything will be okay. I too, can get through this. Unfortunately some woman aren’t so lucky, and try to deal with this pain alone. Sometimes resulting in not dealing with it at all and setting it aside. This is why I am sharing my story, to let you know you are not alone. I and many thousand other women had been there too. Don’t set this pain aside; it will only manifest itself into fears and worries.
Girl, deal with the pain in any way that makes you feel comfortable. Take as much time as you need, but also remember that you need to grow and God has your back.
What I wish I knew in my third pregnancy...
1) Resist the urge to google everything
2) Rest your fears in the Lord
3) Pray, pray all the time
4) Surround yourself with worship and uplifting music
5) Take each day at a time
6) Rest and be healthy
7) Do not let the fear rob you of special memories
8) Reach out and talk
What has miscarriage taught me...
It has bought me closer to God
It showed me the power of womanhood
It made me appreciate the smallest moments
God wont bring us through something without helping us and making us stronger
Miscarriage has changed me, it has definitely taken me some time to actually tap into the blessings that came from this whole experience. It has been quite a journey, it made and shaped me into who I am today. By being blessed with another baby after the miscarriage it has showed me how great our God is. If this has in any way inspired or encouraged you, I’d love to hear from you. Let me know if you are grieving, I’d love to pray with and for you. Remember you are not alone, God hasn’t created so many amazing woman for us not to be there for each other.
Please note that this is my story and what has worked for me. It is not a how to guide, but a personal testimony to inspire and encourage.